I wasn’t really sure if this blog would continue. I’ve gone with renewing, what better time than a birthday?
I struggled to update last year, a combination of exhaustion and this emotional holdover from 2013, with several incidents causing an increased bitterness and dislike of behaviours within various fannish communities. What is the point of a nerdish blog if it can’t relate or be of interest to anyone within the communities actually able to relate to it? Frustrations and isolation (both chosen and imposed) are not a good combination.
There were other good and non-geeky reasons for the exhaustion too. My workplace got so shitty that I had to leave quite suddenly. My beloved Magna hit the point of no repair – written off four years ago, it was on borrowed time. The house I lived in reached crisis point with regards to decisions on repairs and renovations, and they had to be managed alongside clearing out my partner’s dead father’s workshop (and other areas of the house that hadn’t been dehoarded). Ending the year, the discovery my father was terminally ill with liver cancer. I was fortunate enough to be able to drive to my family home loads and spend time with him, but he passed away in January.
So I’ve been a bit of a wreck.
Comics had been bad awhile (with a particular nod to DCnU), I’d lost interest. I’ve watched so much mindless television it’s not funny, been constantly enraged by the awful movies my family loves. I’ve had one playlist of angry women playing in my car for hours on end and my reading ability is shot to pieces even for the trashiest trash.
But, I still need to practice writing (I give no guarantees as to the return of the podcast or the creation of a new one). I need motivation to read. And I need to remember why I enjoy what I enjoy and how I enjoy it.
Comics turned again, moving away from grim dark. My boyfriend doesn’t need to be ‘got’ into comics anymore, he’s happily there, even if he still mostly just steals mine. My reading ability is (slowly) coming back. My love for music is repetitive but I’m enjoying it again and the sheer amount of time in the last three months spent in a car, plus the efforts of an understanding friend, means I’ve found more. People to discuss these things with again, people to show, people to listen to, are now an appealing thought.
There’s going to be new aims here, at least for awhile. I want to write about what I enjoy, even if it’s just a paragraph on a shitty riotgrrl youtube video. Even if it’s that terrible 90s drama I ate up in about 3 days. Even if it’s a weekly paragraph on why I really enjoy Assassin’s Creed games despite the fact there is so much broken in them and Ezio is a total cunt.
I tend towards the clumsy critical analysis, I think I genuinely enjoy stories and media by tearing them apart to see how they could be better. It’s easy to lose interest in seeing the positives in media this way, you forget what you enjoy. My aim will be to work out what I like and why, while isolating out what I don’t and why. Expect swearing rants and raves of aspects of whatever I enjoy, rather than formal reviews and internet lists on a strict diet of comics and novels.
Welcome back if you are still here? At least for now. I don’t really know what this will be yet, but I hope it’s interesting.